Kylo Ren To Have Two Beards In Episode IX
When are two beards better than one? All the time apparently, when you’re the new Supreme Leader of the First Order. In a move even Bor Gullet couldn’t have predicted, FSW has learned that Kylo Ren will be sporting dual beards in Episode IX.
According to our source deep within Lucasfilm, director J.J. Abrams has been given the green light to make Kylo Ren the first openly gay Skywalker in the Star Wars saga. “It’s been a dream of mine to have a gay character take center stage in the most famous space opera of all time,” said Abrams.
Ren’s first “beard” will be the woman he marries during the 3 year time gap between The Last Jedi And Episode IX. This romantic interest will only be a figurehead, however, as Ren is torn between his private love for General Hux and the heterosexual heritage of his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.
Ben Solo’s second beard will be a Williamsburg-inspired 4-foot long facial hair growth to complete the meta narrative of Kylo representing a self-insert of the average nu-male millennial. The super iconic beard will also serve to accent the Supreme Leader’s new man bun hairstyle.
That’s all our spy had to offer, but we can only imagine Rey is not long for the world if in fact Kylo is to be redeemed and find happiness. This is pure speculation, of course, but it would seem Abrams wants Ben Solo to celebrate his sexuality and find love with Hux, albeit tragic love. Perhaps Ben is forced to strike down the hot-headed ginger commander, who refuses to see beyond the First Order’s ideology. None of this leaves much for Rey to do… so we imagine she’ll likely sacrifice herself to save her cousin, in whom she knows exists good, like his grandfather and uncle and father before him.
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