Curse of Snoke Strikes Down Rickman, Bowie & Lemmy
Fandom is devastated once again with the loss of renown actor Alan Rickman, best known for his role as Severus Snape in the Harry Potter films along with villainous turns in countless other films. (We’re partial to his performance in Galaxy Quest.) Rickman’s passing marks the third pop culture giant to suffer the same fate in the last three weeks. David Bowie and Lemmy were also claimed by cancer. While our thoughts go out to the esteemed trio’s family and friends, we’ve received word there may be something far more sinister than cancer at play. After the jump, we divulge what we know about the curse that’s fallen over Star Wars: Episode VIII.
The last three weeks have been tumultuous for fandom as well as the production of Star Wars: Episode VIII. A source has come forward with a bombshell that ties the deaths of Alan Rickman, David Bowie, and Lemmy to what is being hailed as the “Curse of Snoke.”
Here’s the skinny:
After the vocal fan outcry against the CG used to realize the character of Lord Snoke, Disney scrapped plans to re-use the model in favor of an actor sporting makeup and practical special effect enhancements. As a huge fan of the band Motorhead, Rian Johnson approached Lemmy Kilmister to play Snoke in Episode VIII. The director felt Lemmy’s height and gruff voice would be perfect for the alienoid Supreme Leader who is over 7-feet tall. Unfortunately, a mere days after accepting the role, Lemmy was found dead to cancer.
Kilmister’s death was not made public until the December 28th but our source has come forward with a copy of his actual we’ve actual death certificate, which lists the date as December 23rd… which made Lemmy 69 years old at the age of passing. This detail is key to the events that follow.
Given news of Lemmy’s passing, Bob Iger decided to offer the role to another Englishman known for being a pioneer in both music and fashion: David Bowie. But like Lemmy, Bowie died just a few days later to cancer. The pop culture icon was also 69 years old.
It seemed the role of Supreme Leader Snoke was cursed. An internal memo from someone attached to the production tastelessly referred to it as “Order 69.” Said staff member has since been let go, but the damage had already been done. The “Curse of Snoke” was on everyone’s lips, so Kathleen Kennedy put a gag order in place. The head of Lucasfilm feared these ridiculous rumors would make it impossible to get someone to sign on.
It appears her gag order worked as casting directors were able to get Alan Rickman to sign on. The actor, famous for portraying Professor Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series, shared facial likeness to Bowie. Once again, though Rickman died to cancer. He was also English and 69-years old.
FSW did some digging as this all seemed beyond belief even for us! We reached out to a friend of the site, renown forensic pathologist Dr. Michael Baden, who was able to access the post-mortem reports for all three of the recently deceased 69-year olds. Baden found that the cancer began rapidly growing on the exact day each of the men accepted the role of Snoke in Episode VIII.
At this point FSW called on noted parapsychologist, Dr. Ian Baker of the University of Derby, UK was brought in for a consolation. Baker discovered that each of the men were possessed by a dark spirit Baker labeled as “plague-like.” We kid you not. His exact words. Is there some sort of “ghost in the machine” that is dooming any human from replacing the CG version of Snoke? Or is this just coincidence and a misinterpretation by parapsychologist-to-the-stars Baker?
Needless to say, the search for a practical version of Supreme Leader Snoke hasn’t gotten any easier for Kennedy and company. We hear Disney has approached Tim Curry — also a fellow 69-year old Englishman — but he has yet to return their calls. Some reports claim the “master of 1,000 faces” went into hiding, scared for his life.
Disney has gone so far as to offer the role of Snoke to Sir Ben Kingsley, who was in the process of suing the company over using his likeness for the character. Kingsley has since dropped his lawsuit and wants nothing to do with the production. We were able to get a quote from him in time for this article:
No bloody hell am I taking that role! I don’t care if I’m past 69… a 69 can turn into a 71 or even a 72 before you know it. It’s all yours, Serkis!
If this is in fact a curse, it appears CG Snoke’s powers are considerably greater than previously believed. Hopefully this is all a tall tale and the production can cast someone who survives the production. Until then, however, our fingers are crossed! Hopes and prayers go out to the family and friends of Rickman, Bowie, and Lemmy and those of whomever Disney approaches next.
