Ask Sheev: Cuatro de Mayo Edition
Happy May the 4th Be With You! If you’re unfamiliar with the holiday known as Star Wars Day, you’re in luck. The Emperor himself is an expert on all things Star Wars and Cinco de Mayo — who knew?! So sit back, and get ready for some Death Star-size nuggets of wisdom in Ask Sheev: Cuatro de Mayo Edition! Ya Guey!
Dear Palpatine,
Do you observe Star Wars Day, and if so, what is your favorite May 4th tradition?
-T. Cruz
Darth Cruz,
May 4th is not recognized by the Sith as anything more than a pitiful day for neckbeards to wear their love of the Jedi on XXXL sleeves. To that end, my favorite activity during such a pathetic excuse for a holiday is to strike unwitting revelers dead with Sith lightning. It helps prepare me for Revenge of the 5th, which is indeed a galactic holiday.
Hola Sheev,
Are your troops that the Rebels are attacking in Rogue One vacationing in Cancun? It looks an awful lot like the beach behind the hotel resort I work at.
-Tu amigo, Galen Esteban
Ersoban,
I cannot say if my troops are on planet Cancun because I do not know what it looks like. I have never heard of such a world, it shall be conquered and added to my Empire! *evil cackle*
Sheev,
Should I eat the worm?
-Lowly
Lonesome,
Worms are for big wusses and lesser wimps. I would advise you to skip the worm altogether but try the scorpion. Do it!
Dear Ovaltine,
Are the Star Wars toys on sale today going to be worth anything in 20 years?
-S. Sansweet
Sandsweat,
My stockpile of Teedo figures says “Tal’ama parqual!” So no.
Darth Sheevious,
Is that guy in the white cape the leader of the Imperial Mariachi band?
-Flamenco
Flamingo,
There is no Mariachi in the Empire. Where have you heard of such a thing? Have you been reading Hablo Pidalgo‘s tweets again?
Sheev,
How many Chipotle tortillas would it take to cover the entire Death Star?
-P. Sbrentz
Sprentz,
You must give up your Chipotle addiction and join me as we go to Chi-Chi’s. As you can see, my young apprentice, your mere burrito bowl has failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL lunch buffet!
Sheev,
If you wanted to keep Gungans out of the Naboo capital how tall would the wall be?
-D. Drumpf
Donald Duck,
Bypass the wall and just blow them up. I’ll email you the schematics PDF for the Death Star so you can blow your own Gungans off the star charts.
