Area Man Grows Force Tree from Chia Pet
LAWRENCEVILLE, NEW JERSEY — When Robert Dominguez used $10 in CVS Bucks to purchase a classic Chia Pet, the carpenter thought it would make a fine conversation piece. Little did he know his kitschy ceramic sheep plant was destined for greatness.
“At first, the seeds sprouted regular buds ya tu sabe. But then… something magical happened.”
Within a week, where Dominguez once saw a cute green bush body stood an ominous 4-foot tree topped by the sheep’s black head. The excited father of newborn twins immediately Googled for help, but found more questions than answers.
“This was no regular Chia. It grew so fast and radiated such power, I had to move it out back immediately.”
Dominguez kept a close eye on the tree for the next month. It quickly outgrew the yard, shooting up 50 feet into the air, sprouting several spires.
“Then one day it hit me. Dios mio, hacemos un treehouse!”
Dominguez created a treehouse directly onto the Chia growth. He placed the structure at a reasonable height for his infant twins to one day be able to enjoy. Unbeknownst to Dominguez at the time, that day would come sooner than he could imagine.
The Dominguez twins — Dora and Diego — began exhibiting strange new abilities. From telekinesis and teleportation to speaking in tongues, the siblings were clearly special.
“Maria called our Santero, and he was confused. He said the twins weren’t the Devil or Chango, but he wasn’t really sure what the hell was going on. Then I showed him nuestra cada de arbol de Chia.”
The family’s witch doctor shaman happened to also be a huge Star Wars fan. Upon seeing the treehouse, he immediately had a theory: Robert Dominguez had grown a Force tree from the Chia sheep. As a result, his twins were now Force sensitive much like ace Resistance pilot Poe Dameron.
“Que milagro! I feel like Luke Skywalker en La Guerra de las Galaxias. Pero tengo que crecerme la barba to look like him in the last one.
As of this writing, the Chia tree has stopped growing but emanates immense power, which Dominguez’ neighbors are clearly aware of given how many wires are running up and down the street towards the tree.
When asked what the future held for his Force treehouse, Dominguez mentioned potentially starting a Jedi Academy.
Congratulations to the Dominguez clan, their Santero, and CVS.
Ch-ch-ch-chia! (Good luck finding one as CVS is reporting sell-outs across the country because of the Dominguez story.)
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
