Pizza The Hut Issues Bounty On Hayden Christensen Over Little Italy Film
Head’s up, Hayden! The suspected head of the largest organized crime ring in the galaxy has issued a bounty on actor Hayden Christensen. According to insiders, Pizza the Hutt feels personally insulted by the Star Wars actor’s latest film “Little Italy” — a romantic comedy described as Romeo & Juliet set in the world of pizzerias in lower Manhattan. The Hutt believes this seemingly harmless rom-com costarring Emma Roberts represents cultural appropriation of the worst kind.
“Whoa-ho-ho Hayden’s not even Italian or Hutt, capiche? Mama mia! And what really eats at me is these mamalukes didn’t even film in the real Little Italy. Marona mia!!!”
Hutt’s not entirely wrong as the Little Italy production did shoot in Canada instead of New York, so as to stretch their limited budget. However, our crime expert believes Pizza’s outrage is just a smokescreen for lost revenue, as the film would have had to pay the Hutts for shooting in one of their Manhattan territories.
The timing is unfortunate for Pizza the Hutt as the reformed gangster had been making strides to change his public image. Most recently, he’d been floated as a candidate to replace John Schnatter, the disgraced former CEO of Pappa John’s. “Just when I think I’m out… they pull my cheesy skin back… until I find myself in the pizzeria crime world again.”
According to our expert, the Hutt has offered 10,000,000 spacebucks and a lifetime supply of pizza to anyone who can bring him Hayden Christensen alive.
“I just want to speak to the man, Pizza man to Pizza Hutt.”
We reached out to Christensen but have yet to hear from his camp at time of publication. Stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also join our new Discord server to talk Star Wars with us!
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
