Lando and More Promise to LEAVE the New Republic Since Watto Won
“If Watto wins the election, I’ll move to Csilla!”
It’s what several notable figures said during the New Republic election, and now that Supreme Chancellor elect Watto J. Watto is taking his seat in the New Republic Executive Building, we’re about to find out if they’ll make good on their promise.
Big name beings including Figrin D’an, Lando Calrissian and even Luke Skywalker claimed they would have to bid farewell and leave the New Republic if Watto had won – but will they really do it now that the unthinkable has occurred? The hotly contested New Republic election is over and Watto will be the next Supreme Chancellor, so those A-listers must be packing their bags, right?
Let’s take a closer look at the beings who backed Leia Organa-Solo and prematurely wrote checks with their mouths they really can’t cash….
Rae Sloane
Earlier this year, the Imperial admiral-turned-activist, Rae Sloane, shared a lengthy post on the holonet.
“Yes. That is a tear rolling down my cheek dripping off the end of my nose….. This makes me so unbelievable scared and sad…. Not only for our galaxy but for animals that I love more than anything in this galaxy… We’re all just kriffing jam between his rich ass talons! Honestly kriff this! I am going to leave, move to Csilla, if this is my Chancellor! I don’t say things I don’t mean!”
Look out, Unknown Regions, Rae could be coming your way. NOT! Rae later uploaded a holovideo of herself tearfully taking back what she said.
Emmie “ME-8D9” Schumer
C-3PO’s longtime “girlfriend” and comedian Emmie “ME-8D9” Schumer said she’d move to a world controlled by the Hutts if Watto won the election. Lucky us. Speaking to the Holonet News, she said:
“My comedy act will change because I will need to be programmed to speak Huttese, because I will move to Nal Hutta or somewhere. It’s beyond my protocol that Watto won. It’s just too crazy. Everyone knows that Toydarian hates droids!”
Lando Calrissian
Lando Calrissian told talk show host Jimmy the Jawa back in December that he would leave the New Republic move his “black ass to Csilla” if Watto won. So now may be a good time to look for a condo in the Chiss Ascendancy then, Lando. We hear Csaplar is just lovely this time of year.
Figrin D’an
Figrin D’an stripped off in a holovideo to encourage young beings to register to vote. In the sketch, the Mad About Me jizzwailer is seen heading to the polls in his birthday suit – and subsequently getting arrested by First Order Stormtroopers. The Modal Nodes bandleader has long backed Organa-Solo even taking to the stage at the Populist Galactic Convention to perform his hit Dune Sea Special. He told the crowd, “That’s right – I love Leia too” before giving an energetic rendition of his hit Mad About Me, which has become an unofficial theme song for the campaign.
Perhaps Figrin did more harm than good for Leia’s campaign. No one wants to see a naked Bith, not even another Bith.
Luke Skywalker
Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker and his new mystery girlfriend hosted a fundraiser at their home on Coruscant for Skywalker’s sister, Leia Organa-Solo, on April 16. They also participated in another Organa-Solo fundraiser on Hosnian Prime the day before. Tickets for their event were 33,400 credits, and the money was to be donated to the Organa-Solo Victory Fund. It might be time to ask for a refund, attendees.
Reports say Skywalker was seen boarding his X-wing at the spaceport in Theed after it was announced Watto had won. He hasn’t checked in to any spaceport since.
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for the latest made up news from a made up galaxy far, far away.
