The Force: “Actually, I’m Genderfluid”
Ahch-To — After years of mystical silence, the original Force tree is finally revealing its gender orientation. In an exclusive interview with FSW (translated from the native Porg dialect), the highly revered tree puts an end to the clickbait speculation and tabloid fodder surrounding which bathroom it uses.
“I transcend binary male/female gender labels. I suppose I’m post-gender or androgynous. All’s I know is I exist along a continuum on the spectrum between male and female. A happy middleground, if you will.”
The Force tree’s gender quickly became a heavily politicized matter following Disney’s $4 billion dollar purchase of Lucasfilm. Almost before the ink was dry, Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy proudly announced her strategic initiative to promote strong female characters both within the company under the Lucasfilm Story Group moniker, and throughout the new Star Wars films.
After the resounding success of the female-driven The Force Awakens and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Kennedy has set her sights on retconning the underpinnings of the Star Wars universe, starting with the origin of the Force itself. What was first introduced as a spiritual notion – a life force that surrounds us all and binds the universe together – is now going to have literal roots in gender warfare.
In Rian Johnson’s upcoming sequel The Last Jedi, we learn about a family of space voyagers (2.5 kids, white picket fence) who stumble upon a magic Force tree. This tree gives both the family’s son and daughter amazing powers. The girl uses her newfound powers for good. The boy does the quite the opposite. And one day, driven by jealousy and rage over his sister’s goodness, the boy takes her life…
Of course, the Force tree saves her, and in the process, creates two distinct paths for the boy and girl to take for evermore. The girl is to lead the Force for good and become the prototypical Jedi, whereas the boy is to lead the angry, resentful, fearful Sith. Pretty damning for males of the world. But in case you had any doubt which gender was the good side of the Force, Kennedy has also taken to wearing a shirt that claims the mystical power is actually female. (We’ve altered it below to avoid offending anyone.)
According to the Force tree, though, this is simply untrue. “I’m no more female than I am male. People assume I’m stuck in my ways, since I’ve been here for thousands of years… but I’m actually very progressive. Hell, I used to force people to use the pronoun They or Fx when referring to me, but now I’m okay going by The Force or Force tree.”
The hulking tree, whose iconic shape is the basis for the Rebel insignia, also let us in on another secret regarding The Last Jedi.
“Luke Skywalker is very much a heterosexual male, going by the magazines he keeps in my belly.”
So there you have it, the Force is neither male or female. It’s simply a genderfluid entity that got caught up in the bizarre agenda of “creative” executives.
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
May She He The Force Be With You
