Snoke Pardons Meatiest Porg In The Galaxy On Thanksgiving
In a rare display of kindness, Supreme Leader Snoke has pardoned the galaxy’s biggest porg on Thanksgiving Day. In a ceremony held earlier aboard The Supremacy, Snoke’s city-sized mega Star Destroyer, the wealthy leader of The First Order spared the life of “Porga The Hutt,” a 45-year old freakishly overgrown porg who’s made quite a name for itself on Instagram.
The Supreme One’s benevolence has already caused His approval rating to spike to a new high of 12%. A First Order spokesperson had this to say: “The Supreme Leader is wise and kind. He rewards longevity and the ability to survive countless Thanksgivings to reach an immaculate old age. My liege wishes you and your family a supremely blessed holiday. Join us in thanking the stars for the raw power of The First Order!”
Rather than being gutted to feed at least 50 members of the military organization, “Porga The Hutt” will be retired and allowed to live the rest of his days on a resort planet in the Outer Rim.
“That’s what I personally love about Snoke. Underneath all His opulence and grandeur is an undeniable heart of gold,” said an anonymous member of the New Republic. We reached out to the Resistance for a comment on this story but they politely declined.
From all of us at the Galaxy’s Leading Fake Star Wars News site, have a Happy Thanksgiving! And thanks a million for all the likes, follows and shares. The Last Jedi, here we come!
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
