Daisy Ridley Joins Illuminati, Seeks New World Order And Better Scripts
Rey may be an ultra-powerful girl scout in The Last Jedi, but the actress who portrays her is becoming the exact opposite. Daisy Ridley recently debuted some new ink while on holiday in the south of France. Not exactly frontage news. However, the new design is a far cry from the tribal star tattoo she sports on her left foot. In fact, the “Eye of Providence” is the unofficial logo of the Illuminati, a secret organization hellbent on ushering in a New World Order via totalitarian government.
Supposedly led by Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Rihanna, the Illuminati is comprised of the global elite — everyone from high-ranking government officials and religious leaders to A-list actors and musicians. So why did the Star Wars galaxy’s sweetheart suddenly tattoo the mark of the Illuminati on her right hip? A friend of a friend reached out to her people’s people, and we managed to score fifth-hand answers to the Ridley riddle. Here’s what the 25-year old actress had to say about it:
“Josh [Gad] and I got matching ones [tattoos]! The initiation was insane. Honestly, it made jedi training look like a walk in the park. I was absolutely floored by how delicious fresh goat’s blood is — who knew?! Josh did most of the digging during the last trial, but it was so worth it. Pretty sure those weren’t real people down there, just actors. Thank goodness! I cannot wait to meet Beyoncé!! For me, this whole thing is about job security. Star Wars isn’t forever, and I’m certainly not planning on earning a living going to those sad conventions for the rest of my life. We’ve made so many powerful new friends already, there’s no telling where you might see us next. Oscars, here we come!”
We reached out to Disney for a comment on this story, but were told the company does not issue statements on fake news or anything involving the Illuminati. Which will only fuel more conspiracies, of course. Oh well. Perhaps Bob Iger really is the leader of the lizard people using the media to brainwash the masses. Only time will tell.
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
