Trump Mandates Multiple Viewings Of Episodes 1-6 For Space Force
Ronald Reagan may have ushered in the “Star Wars” era during the Cold War, but President Trump appears to be taking things to the Outer Rim and back! The Commander-in-Chief’s newly announced sixth arm of the military, dubbed “Space Force,” will need to be well versed in Star Wars lore.
“The brave men and women of Space Force need to know about life savers and the Force and how to blow the hell out of Death Stars,” said Trump from the Oval Office.
While it may seem like a no-brainer for Star Wars proficiency to be a pre-requisite for Space Force, Trump is limiting the mandatory viewings to the original Star Wars Trilogy and prequels only.
“George Lucas is a friend and a great, great man. He makes amazing deals. Just the best. And his Star Wars movies — those first six — they can prepare Space Force for dealing with space worms, cloners, and furry warriors of all shapes and sizes. They’re just great,” added Trump.
When asked about the notable absence of Disney’s Star Wars films, Trump said:
“Bob Iger and his glorified secretary have driven Star Wars into the ground. Just terrible what they’ve done to a national treasure. So their films will never be part of Space Force training. They can show that fake Mickey Mouse crap to fat kids in space camp all they want… but not at Space Force HQ. We want to prepare our intergalactic warriors to win. Not lose. Disney Star Wars is made by losers, for losers. And Space Force — just like all of our armed forces — is for winners only.”
That’s all President Trump was willing to divulge regarding Space Force and its training requirements. A source deep within the White House did confirm, however, that Trump’s camp is in talks with Lucas to become a special advisor for the newest arm of the military. Wizard!
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