Did The Mandalorian Leak Secret NSA Data Via Ancient Jedi Runes??

The NSA’s Division of cyphers (rumored to be called “The Uglies”) accepted the resignation of their Chief of Signals Intelligence, Yohay Saulkiewicz, a 30-year decorated veteran of the organization. Apparently, the scuttlebutt around campus is that he deciphered a cryptic message in last week’s Mandalorian Chapter 14: The Tragedy that could reveal national secrets. Our Bothan source on the inside revealed a bit more.


“Salk was pissed that Grogu didn’t die. He was on this tear about how it was obvious the child will bring about the First Order and nobody seemed to care. We all knew Salk was a big Star Wars guy, but it was like he snapped last week. He kept saying ‘what was the tragedy?! – that stupid ship blew up – who cares? I wanted that brat to finally bite it!’ So, yea, anyway, he started dissecting the episode thinking there was something more tragic buried in the messages on the seeing stone. All I can say is that whatever he discovered just cost him his job and pension, and he’s looking at Leavenworth, man!”

All we saw on the stone was a bunch of scribbles that looked like ripped-off Hieroglyphs. But, if you happen to be a codebreaker, find us over on Twitter and let us know what you can make out of the message. And while you’re at it, there’s similar scripting on the Ahsoka poster just revealed at the Disney Investors Meeting from yesterday that is already causing a quantum rift in Maryland. The Digital Fortress is warning other analysts not to make any direct contact with Lucasfilm, or suffer dire consequences.


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“I’ve never seen my nerds as scared as they are right now; I hope I can trust you fakers to keep me safe and protect my name from the media. I don’t want to move to Russia like Snowden, bro.”

Don’t worry, Dave, your name is safe with us. 


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Teeb Ront’r

Born to a human Sith father and a Zeltron mother was Teeb Ront’r. He escaped his father’s tyrannical wrath by stowing aboard a slaver ship called the Friendly until the crew abandoned him on Dagobah. Teeb was later found by the Red Hand Squadron, who trained him in Teräs Käsi but discovered he was better suited at solving problems with his mind rather than appendages. Teeb also worked with many Bothans, and only a few of them died on his watch. Teeb currently works for FSW intelligence where he creates disinformation campaigns and contributes to FSW Radio.

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