Top 10 Reasons Star Wars Stories Were Postponed Again
Hold everything — the on-again-off-again-on-again Star Wars Story spinoffs have been postponed yet again! According to an unknown source within the joint venture between ABC and Univision, every announced and unannounced non-mainline Star Wars film that may or may not have been in development is now no longer actively being pursued, with everyone attached to the projects being let go. This news directly contradicts an earlier statement made by another unknown source at ABC which claimed the spinoff films were back in active development, itself a contradiction of a rumor to the contrary posted by Collider just yesterday. If you’re keeping score at home, that’s three contradictions within less than 48 hours — all from unknown sources! Good thing our bilingual source was able to share the exact reasons for the latest postponement announcement. Without further ado, feast your eyes on the Top 10 Reasons Star Wars Stories Were Postponed Again.
For those of you who can’t vie the image above, here’s our list in plain text:
Top 10 Reasons Star Wars Stories Were Postponed Again
10. Kathleen Kennedy’s approval rating is simply too high
09. Save a fortune on inevitable reshoots
08. Star Wars fatigues are sold out everywhere
07. Fans are nostalgic for nostalgia-free movies
06. To divert attention away from The Last Jedi Fan Remake
05 Scriptwriting droids have begun to overheat
04. Outbidding Comcast for Fox Assets cost Disney 5 Death Stars
03. Foil inevitable boycotts before they can happen
02. Star Wars mania has reached a fever pitch in China
01 Avoid competing with upcoming “Star Wars Throwaways” series of spinoffs
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