Porg Tattoos Fill Couple with Regret
CLEARWATER, FL — A pair of local Star Wars fans are rethinking their tattoos based on the all-new porg creatures from The Last Jedi. The porgs, which resemble puffins crossbred with Minions, instantly became an obsession for Joe and Dana Rothschild. As soon as the couple saw a clip of the creatures in a Behind-the-Scenes sizzle reel at Disney’s D23 convention, they made an appointment with a local tattoo shop. “I needed something to cover my Jar Jar chest piece, and Dana’s Yub Nub tramp stamp wasn’t doing her any favors,” said Mr. Rothschild.
The two superfans are well known among the tight knit Florida Star Wars body art community for sporting “cute” “wacky” and “irreverent” tattoos that express their love of Star Wars, Dr. Who, and Garbage Pail Kids, among others. Sadly, not long after the porg ink had dried, the Rothshilds were filled with regret. As more and more porg merchandise was revealed in the leadup to Disney’s Force Friday retail event, Joe and Dana couldn’t help but feel duped. Whereas the couple had assumed porgs would be cute ambassadors of the Force, the small winged inhabitants of Ahch-to became something more sinister.
“They’re just blatant attempts to sell merchandise. Had I known ahead of time, I would never have gotten this back tattoo of the critters, let alone full on porglet sleeves. Honestly, I feel exploited,” said Mrs. Rothschild. Her husband added, “That’s the price for being first, I guess. How were we supposed to know porgs would be plastered on everything and become the Jar Jars of the Disney era? The irony isn’t lost on me. I tried to cover my gungan tattoo with something that turned out to be much, much worse.”
No word on what the Rothschilds plan on covering their porg tattoos up with, although we’re told they’re seriously eyeing BB-9E and the lizard priestesses of Ahch-to.
As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
